REPORT THE DISTURBANCE
Complete the form with enough contextual information for Hotline Headquarters to assess the situation.
Please identify the nature of the disturbance, your relationship to the incident, and any relevant details that may help us determine whether bunghole activity has occurred.
Accuracy is appreciated. Receipts are encouraged.
Protect the signal.
INCIDENT FILED? GOOD.
While Hotline Headquarters reviews the situation, please proceed to the No Bunghole Comfort Line for approved recovery supplies, protective apparel, and general emotional reinforcement.